Five mental leaps that can help you manage negative emotions
2019 was rough, 2020 was even tougher, and just when I though it couldn’t possibly get any worse the first half of 2021 nearly killed me.
The combination of severe injury, personal/family troubles, and work-related stress has had me seeking help from experts and recommendations on tips and tricks to manage my emotions.
One that has been quite useful is the “F-it” jar, where I write down and put things that bother me but which I can’t do anything about — things that I wish I could just forget. Then, when the jar is full or full enough, I take the papers somewhere and burn them. It’s quite cathartic.
Another has been meditating on positive emotions, which Charming App Mindfulness, my mindfulness mobile app, is designed to help with.
A third useful exercise is the reframing of statements from negative emotions to more positive ones. I recently went through this exercise and the examples below are what I came up with. Maybe they can be of some use to you too :)
- Anger -> Pity
“I hate someone because they always accuse me of having it easier in life.” -> “I feel bad for that person because they can’t recognize their own privilege.”
“That person is awful because they blame me for everything that goes wrong.” -> “That person lacks the ability to analyze their life and recognize the real roots of their problems.”
“They don’t have any discipline, reinforce other’s bad habits, and use others for emotional support.” -> “They unintentionally harm others because they lack empathy and the ability to understand the impacts of their actions.”
2. Fear -> Concern
“It’s dangerous and I could get hurt or die.” -> “I need to learn how to keep myself safe and stay healthy.”
“I am never going to be successful in life.” -> “I need to make better decisions to succeed.”
“This will make my life harder.” -> “This will be challenging and rewarding.”
3. Disgust -> Curiosity
“Intimacy is going to get me hurt.” -> “There is no reward without some risk.”
“It feels like most people are different from what I am interested in.” -> “People are often different on the inside than outside and it pays to find out.”
“I keep regretting decisions about how to use my resources.” -> “I get chances to learn and improve when I invest in new things.”
4. Apathy -> Interest
“Doing good gets me in trouble because people don’t understand.” -> “I’m doing it right if people are acknowledging me and willing to talk.”
“It doesn’t matter what I do, it seems like some people are always going to hate me for it.” -> “The more love I put out into the world, the more I will get back regardless of some people’s reactions.”
“I can’t keep up with people who are younger, smarter, stronger, and faster than me.” -> “I am more experienced than ever and have a deep well of knowledge to draw from and share.”
5. Shame -> Pride
“I made a lot of mistakes in the past“ -> “I have a new perspective now and can make better decisions.”
“Every time I’ve tried to be successful I’ve failed.’ -> “I keep learning from my mistakes and improving my chance of success.”
“It feels like everyone in the world is judging me.” -> “I stand out from the crowd and people notice.”
